The McBoom???

During the season opener in Melborne, reports from the Ferrari camp had blamed the engine failures on the standard ECUs. LSOF1 obtained images that the McLaren camp had installed a secret button on the steering wheel of their cars to kill Ferrari engines with the aid of secret algorithms written and hidden deep within the programming of the standardized ECUs.

The latest reports from Barcelona had suggested since the opening round, McLaren had removed the secret button from their steering wheels in fear of being discovered by the FIA, but instead have upgraded this engine kill system, nicknamed the “McBoom” to a portable device which can be remotely activated from anywhere within 5km of the pit lanes via a remote laptop.

Rumor around the paddock suggests this upgraded system was implemented as early as Bahrain, and was also the subsequent reason why Lewis Hamilton plowed into the back of Alonso’s Renault in the opening stages of the race.


Sources from within the McLaren camp informed LSOF1 that the accident between Alonso and Hamilton in Bahrain was cause by human error as the two member in the McLaren team that were operating the “McBoom” device had simultaneously activated the “Rev Reduction” on Alonso’s car and the “Boost” on Hamilton’s car, and McLaren has since solved this problem by only assigning the McBoom Device to one member of their race team.

When asked if the “McBoom” device was the cause for Alonso and Rosberg’s engine failures on Sunday in Catalunya, our sources in McLaren declined to comment except that the “McBoom” device is now in full operation after it’s testing during the recent tests in Barcelona and with the introduction of the MP4-23B due in the next few races, we should expect a McLaren on the top of the podium very soon.

NO CAMELS!

In a controversial move sure to anger the local residents, the FIA have today issued a directive that all Camels must be removed from the vicinity of the Bahrain circuit whilst television broadcasts are underway.

The instruction - which met with the reluctant agreement of the circuit directors - comes as a result of the ongoing laws covering tobacco advertising.

Research carried out by advertising watch-dogs has discovered that the sight of a Camel - an animal that, unusually, has a brand of tobacco ("Camel") named after it - inspires people to take up smoking, and hence is considered illegal advertising under UK laws.

Camel - the tobacco brand, not the animal - famously sponsored such teams as Benetton and Tyrrell prior to the all-encompassing ban on tobacco advertising.

It is understood that the hump-backed animals will be routinely rounded up each morning, and enclosed in a desert compound out of sight of the TV cameras.

A spokesman for the tobacco industry poured scorn on claims that smoking is as damaging as many insist.

"It's nonsense" commented Mr J Sheppard "to claim that smoking is as damaging as many insist."

The organisers are concerned that the lack of Camels will lead to what is generally a boring and under-attended race being even less interesting than normal.