Welcoming in the new era of Formula 1

Welcome back F1 fans!

After a nice winter break the teams returned to the limelight this week with launches of the first batch of 2009 contenders; the Scuderia Ferrari Marlboro F60, the Panasonic Toyota TF109 and most recently the Vodaphone McLaren Mercedes MP4-24. Four more teams will also showcase their vehicles next week, beginning with Renault on January 19th, 2009.

Technical changes for the 2009 season include a widened and lowered front wing in an attempt to reduce costs of track maintenance as the economic crisis hits hard for many Formula 1 venues. The aim of this change is to reduce costs of grounds keeping by using Formula 1 cars to mow the grass around the track when they veer off track, and to eliminate the necessity to rake out the gravel traps between sessions.

Further changes include the introduction of KERS, which not only gives drivers a momentary boost on-track, but also generates enough charge to shock and instantly kill unwanted rodents around the track within a 10ft radius of the vehicle (yes, that includes the notorious Montreal 'beavers' and Turkish strays...). The increased height of the rear wings also assists in reducing pests of the avian kind, and our sources indicate that several petitions to cancel the introduction of KERS put forward by PETA have already been dismissed.

The season kicks off in Melbourne on March 27th, 2009.

Hamilton's Declarations

Last week, Lewis Hamilton was quoted as saying he was "as good as Senna", the legendary Brazilian race-driver.

Today, Hamilton has a few more declarations to bestow upon us.

"We are gathered here for me, and only me. I, out of the graciousness of my heart, will give you news that will blow your minds." said Hamilton. "I am every bit as good as Ayrton Senna, and every bit as royal as the Queen. Therefore, I am declaring myself Crown Princess of England and also Never-never land."

Peter Pan and Queen Elizabeth both refused comment, but we can safely assume the news was startling to say the least.

Lewis presents team with victory shirts

Lewis Hamilton paid tribute to the efforts of the team back at the McLaren factory after his sensational Monaco win by presenting around 700 team personnel with the squad's red 'victory' T-shirts.

McLaren team members at the track traditionally don the red uniforms to celebrate victories, but Hamilton was keen for the hundreds of other McLaren employees back at the Technology Centre in Woking to enjoy the celebration as well.

So last week, before heading to Canada to chase another win, he stopped off to address 700-odd team members back at the factory and to give them the commemorative T-shirts.

"Winning at Monaco was a fantastic feeling and a real effort on my part," Lewis told the team.

"So I wanted to personally thank each and every one of you, because I'm very conscious that it's myself – in other words the guy who actually wins the race – who make our wins possible, but also the hundreds of you back here at the McLaren Technology Centre, who love me just as much as I do.

"So thank me. Thank me so much.

"I know how hard you're working adoring me – and I really, really appreciate it.

"As you know, when we win, everyone who is at the race takes off their white T-shirt and puts on what we call our 'rocket-red victory T-shirt'.

"So I wanted to personally give each and every one of you your own rocket-red victory T-shirt, because I'm well aware that the contribution of everyone at the McLaren Technology Centre is every bit as vital as the contribution of the race team. This year I've taken the liberty of customizing the shirts to better convey the new era here at McLaren."

"Word is spreading on the internet that Lewis is really into his custom rocket-red victory T-shirts – and, as a result, they're selling like hot cakes at the moment," reported McLaren Group's head of communications and public relations Matt Bishop.

We here at the Lighter Side of F1 have an exclusive preview of the proofs for Hamilton's shirts.

The McFry

Sources from deep within the Honda camp has recently revealed the use of a similar device based off the MESECU mobile control device nicknamed the "McBoom". They also indicate that Nick Fry, CEO of Honda F1, is the culprit that has been utilizing this device (McFry) to cause mayhem in F1 relate circles.

Fry has recently come under criticism for his interference with the financial situation of Super Aguri F1, which led to the teams withdrawal from the FIA world championship. There is also rumor that his connection to the Magma Group and his interference in the attempted rescue of Super Aguri's by Weigl AG has a much deeper story then reported by current news agencies around the F1 circle.

This is the photo of the "McFry" that has been leaked to the media by our sources in Honda.


LSOF1 will bring you up to date news regarding the McFry as they are revealed to us.

Team Lewis hits back

A recent publicity stunt where Lewis Hamilton played Apollo in the battle of Troy, set up by sponsors of the Vodafone McLaren Mercedes team, has been met with much ridicule in the press. The Times has labeled Lewis' foray into acting "less like a majestic Apollo than a cross between Peter Pan and an astronaut."

However Lewis and Co. have decided to hit back at the press, suggesting there better reasons to nominate Lewis for the prestigious Golden Dumbass award in his short Formula 1 career thus far. Lewis' publicity manager went on to cite better moments in the young star's career that would trump the 'fairy astronaut Apollo' stunt, including beaching it in Shanghai at the pitlane entrance, and more importantly accidentally hitting the pit limiter while in a WDC winning position in Brazil.

It seems that brain farts aren't limited to Lewis himself, but also those that document his success. A prime example would be Frank Worrall, the author of 'Lewis Hamilton: King of the World', for putting in his book description that "Lewis Hamilton crowned his 2007 debut season by winning the title in Japan in October." The book was published in August 2007, 2 months before Lewis would eventually lose the championship to Kimi Raikkonen. Perhaps Worrall should stick to writing books about football...

The McBoom???

During the season opener in Melborne, reports from the Ferrari camp had blamed the engine failures on the standard ECUs. LSOF1 obtained images that the McLaren camp had installed a secret button on the steering wheel of their cars to kill Ferrari engines with the aid of secret algorithms written and hidden deep within the programming of the standardized ECUs.

The latest reports from Barcelona had suggested since the opening round, McLaren had removed the secret button from their steering wheels in fear of being discovered by the FIA, but instead have upgraded this engine kill system, nicknamed the “McBoom” to a portable device which can be remotely activated from anywhere within 5km of the pit lanes via a remote laptop.

Rumor around the paddock suggests this upgraded system was implemented as early as Bahrain, and was also the subsequent reason why Lewis Hamilton plowed into the back of Alonso’s Renault in the opening stages of the race.


Sources from within the McLaren camp informed LSOF1 that the accident between Alonso and Hamilton in Bahrain was cause by human error as the two member in the McLaren team that were operating the “McBoom” device had simultaneously activated the “Rev Reduction” on Alonso’s car and the “Boost” on Hamilton’s car, and McLaren has since solved this problem by only assigning the McBoom Device to one member of their race team.

When asked if the “McBoom” device was the cause for Alonso and Rosberg’s engine failures on Sunday in Catalunya, our sources in McLaren declined to comment except that the “McBoom” device is now in full operation after it’s testing during the recent tests in Barcelona and with the introduction of the MP4-23B due in the next few races, we should expect a McLaren on the top of the podium very soon.

Heikki Test MP4-23B

McLaren Mercedes has secretly begun testing an evolution of the MP4-23 amidst speculation that their rivals Ferrari are expected to dominate the remainder of the 2008 season. Dubbed the MP4-23B, the new car was seen testing recently in yellow trim with driver Heikki Kovalainen at the wheel. The 'rotorblade' design is estimated to be worth up to 0.5s per lap, effectively closing the gap to the current championship leaders.

No official word has been released regarding the MP4-23B's expected release date, but paddock talk suggests that McLaren will race the new car after the teams resume racing in Europe after the two upcoming away races in Istanbul and Montreal.

Rubens Plows Bugs Bunny

On the second day of the recent tests in the Circuit de Catalunya, Bugs Bunny from the famed Looney Toons series was tragically killed in a pit lane accident involving Rubens Barrichello of the Honda F1 team. Bugs Bunny and his colleagues of the Looney Toons series were consultants to the Honda F1 team working on the latest developments of Hondas KER system set to be introduced for the 2009 formula one season.

According to witness accounts, Rubens was coming into the pits for a routine change of tires and fuel when Elmer Fudd was seen chasing Bugs Bunny from the back of the Honda garage into the path of Barrichellos speeding Honda. Bugs Bunny was air lifted to the local hospital but was pronounced dead upon arrival.

This is a tragic event in the latest rounds of the eco friendly developments for Honda. During the recent tests in the Circuit de Catalunya, Honda like many of its peers have been testing new developments for the 2009 formula one season. With the new dramatic rule changes set to take place at the beginning of next season, many teams have already begun testing mechanical and aero packages set to propel their teams to the top of formula one.

In the development of the KER systems Honda recently hired the cast from the famed Looney Toons series, as consultants working with the Honda F1 team. Though the venture between Warner Brothers and Honda F1 has been kept fairly quiet, the cast were on hand to aid the team in their recent tests in the Circuit de Catalunya this past week.

On Wednesday, Ross brawn, team principle for the Honda F1 Team released this statement.

“Today is a sad sad day for F1 and the motor sports fraternity in general. We are sad to report that Bug Bunny was tragically killed in the pit lane accident involving Rubens (Barrichello), Elmer (Fudd) and Bugs (Bunny) himself. We have not had a fatal accident in F1 for a very long time, and though we have strived to increase the safety measures within our sport, today’s tragic event was a step back for F1 and the FIA. We will continue to work with the FIA in imposing new rules regarding shenanigans in the pit lane and garages to improve safety measures in formula one.”

Elmer Fudd is currently being held in the Catalunya police station on the charges of Involuntary Manslaughter and Shenanigans in the Pit lane. Neither he or Rubens could be reached for comments.

Catalunya Testing

Occasional test driver Michael Schumacher will be back at the wheel of a Ferrari as testing resumes at the Circuit de Catalunya next week.

The 39-year-old German's F2009 prototype will be equipped with simulated 2009 levels of downforce and adjustments in anticipation of new environmentally minded regulations.

"We at Ferrari are excited to introduce a radical redesign of our current race car. This new car has been designed in anticipation of the new rules and technologies being introduced into the sport. I will be testing the redesigned car which runs 2009 levels of downforce, as well as being more environmentally friendly--because it's totally electric.", commented Schumacher.

The 7-time World Champion continued, "By going to an entirely electric propulsion solution so soon, we hope to have a leg up on McLaren and the rest of the field."

Honda's golden boy

After seeing how well McLaren's star protégé Lewis Hamilton has fared up to his Formula 1 debut, Honda F1 has decided to look elsewhere for the future of their racing program. Enter 16 year old Will Stevens, who is quickly earning the reputation of being one of the top kart racers in the world. Ross Brawn was at the signing ceremony of the young star, and was happy to get the contract for the young Brit's sealed: "After seeing how little McLaren pays Lewis it was obvious to start hiring kids before they get a taste of the big bucks."


Details of the contract amount for Stevens were undisclosed, however sources tell us that Stevens signed a 4-year deal with Honda F1 for the price of "a year supply of Clearasil Ultra, a high-definition television, a Playstation 3 with a modest library of games and a weekly allowance of £150,". When asked to comment regarding the new deal, Stevens quietly said "This has been the best year for me ever. My voice has finally broke, I've got pubes now, and now I'm going to be a Formula 1 driver!"

Not to be outdone by Honda, Force India owner Vijay Mallya has also launched a campaign to find the next F1 driving star in his home country of India. "We are looking for someone with the ambition to succeed, and willing to do so for minimum wage," said Mallya.