Speculation has it that Kimi Raikkonen's pace was aided by a special Driver Hydration System (DHS) pioneered by the Finn. Our spy photographers caught a glimpse of the Iceman using his DHS in Bahrain:
Super Aguri driver Takuma Sato attempted to replicate the results with his own Sake-based personal hydration system with disasterous results. The Japanese driver was inebriated for the majority of the small team's first test of the season, severely setting back the development program of the 2008 challenger. As a result, team principal Suzuki Aguri has decided to call off the official car launch which was due to be unveiled on February 18th.
Meanwhile BMW Sauber has chosen to exploit a loophole in the technical regulations to reduce the performance deficit. Dr. Mario Thiessen was able to provide us with some minor details regarding the innovative solution to winning races: "We found that the FIA has not imposed any restrictions on use of weapons in Formula 1, so our strategy is that if we can't overtake them we'll just destroy them."
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